Everyone looks in amazement as Nic and I launch ourselves over the danger barrier; “Beware of rock fall! Beware of Avalanches! Falls recorded every day in the previous 5 days! Do not proceed!” and keep on walking. He laughs and says that because of the likes of me (being a lawyer in a previous life) DoCs – Department of Conservation - have to warn people of any old falling leaf now. I smile, but am not convinced. Etched in my mind is the image of the two Australian men who died at the terminal of the glacier last month, but to our tourist audience we look the part with our goretex outfits, chunky mountaineering boots, ice axes and crampons duly attached to our packs. Little do they know (all my gear was bought just yesterday in Christchurch) this is my first mountaineering experience, mountaineering 101.
Ice is a different world. Rock is familiar and warm, I can touch it with my bare hands and my feet stick, it feels safe and I feel at home. Ice is cold, frozen, slippery and wet. And as if the ice itself wasn’t tough enough, our luggage was deemed so lethal , in our fear driven, terrorist alarmed world that we had to have it all wrapped up and slapped with dozens of “restricted” warnings, before the pilot was warned and alerted to the fact it was on board! And then, as if carrying the gear wasn’t difficult enough, having to wear it was even worse. My crampons had sharp steel talons which stuck out on all sides and scared me just to look at. I really didn’t want one of those talons in my foot, in my leg, or anywhere near my body. And the ice axes looked straight out of a horror movie. I was clumsy at the best of times, but with these lethal things... there came serious responsibility.
After a much longer approach than expected – whilst the terminal was right there, that was not the safest way to get on the glacier – we strapped on the crampons, gripped our ice axes and were off. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. The ice was straight from out of a freezer, but then, stripped away it was glass.... whooohoooo. Ok, very slippery, must be careful not to fall. So the instruction began. Mountaineering 101 – lecture one in crampon walking – ok so far, apart from watching my swish new pants almost ripped to shreds in the first minute ... lesson two in self arrest and crevasse rescue. Ok, so now I know Nic has high aspirations for me, as he throws himself onto the ice axe demonstrating self arrest. This looks more like learning self mutilation than self arrest. How can it be possible to put all your weight on an axe safely?! I begin to wonder if really I am just a lounge chair mountaineer... but slowly, surely I get the hang of it, and, by the end of the day am hammering away, climbing up walls, and having a ball.
Ice is a different world. Rock is familiar and warm, I can touch it with my bare hands and my feet stick, it feels safe and I feel at home. Ice is cold, frozen, slippery and wet. And as if the ice itself wasn’t tough enough, our luggage was deemed so lethal , in our fear driven, terrorist alarmed world that we had to have it all wrapped up and slapped with dozens of “restricted” warnings, before the pilot was warned and alerted to the fact it was on board! And then, as if carrying the gear wasn’t difficult enough, having to wear it was even worse. My crampons had sharp steel talons which stuck out on all sides and scared me just to look at. I really didn’t want one of those talons in my foot, in my leg, or anywhere near my body. And the ice axes looked straight out of a horror movie. I was clumsy at the best of times, but with these lethal things... there came serious responsibility.
After a much longer approach than expected – whilst the terminal was right there, that was not the safest way to get on the glacier – we strapped on the crampons, gripped our ice axes and were off. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. The ice was straight from out of a freezer, but then, stripped away it was glass.... whooohoooo. Ok, very slippery, must be careful not to fall. So the instruction began. Mountaineering 101 – lecture one in crampon walking – ok so far, apart from watching my swish new pants almost ripped to shreds in the first minute ... lesson two in self arrest and crevasse rescue. Ok, so now I know Nic has high aspirations for me, as he throws himself onto the ice axe demonstrating self arrest. This looks more like learning self mutilation than self arrest. How can it be possible to put all your weight on an axe safely?! I begin to wonder if really I am just a lounge chair mountaineer... but slowly, surely I get the hang of it, and, by the end of the day am hammering away, climbing up walls, and having a ball.
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